An acceptance to time being of anything but the essence. To the period of “i love you,” to the gust of awkward distance, to the first hug, to the paraphrased: “I am leaving you.”

You are my soul mate, but it’s just that you wanted to strip. Oh, how apperceiving being expressively numb must be.

Haha, loud and clear. I get it.

Numbness is temporary. A class of necessity. A cloak to throw on when overwhelmed and the last spliff has burned down to the filter.

I wish to believe his depth gapes but that petrified him to share with another being again. It’s like needing the remaining touches on the fortress built, just to demolish it hours to follow.

It’s like he wanted to forget everything thy he wanted to feel. He does not want to get close to another, but could not negate that first encounter: undeniably fervid.

But “I told you before anyone else, does that not mean anything?”

In that moment, inundate. My heart shown like a royal flush. Replicating the conundrums I wished to never revisit.

2.5 years, I anticipated your arrival. Eyes full of gleam at every “I am saving up to get there soon” Snapchat message. Understanding of the financial investment it takes to leap across country.

Just for “I come to LA for work quite often” to inadvertently drool down your tongue.

Backtracking to bring this... this...

to whatever IT is.

Just that.

Submerge both phones, and write me by postcard of all that your heart wanted to say.

-t