It’s all disposable until it becomes just that. The one that makes you feel just right. At no point head over heels, yet a deniable longing for his presence & a dreading end to each intermittent moment together.
I exorbitantly and at times unconsciously eye roll at every sarcastic banter, playful teases, and backhanded compliments just to resist from affirming that he made me smile. He knows what he does to me.
Such a strong physical chemistry that blossomed into the ever opposing-denial of how much love we unspokenly share. A stronger resist from him, than I. Go figure.
He became my diary. Every ugly deed of my past & present just oozed utterly at the most inappropriate times. He rarely expressed much except a smile. He counseled when it made sense to. He understands that sometimes I just need to hear the sound of my own voice. As I do for him,
His heart: so unwavering yet so adhering to the dramatics that perpetuates my life. Rooster life puff-chested in the streets, humility stricken & making love faces in the sheets.
I don’t have a title for his role in my life. He’s just him & anyone that knows me, seems to understand.
We’ve always been just what we are. Little but slow progression to our former strict hidden arrangements in recents. Until one night, “what if I get a boyfriend?” His pause, but stern response “you won’t. Not because you can’t, but I know. It won’t be for a while.”
It’s like he has been prepared from the moment we met. A period of immense appreciation. A nothing lasts forever type. Like this is good for now, but we won’t continue forever.
We’ve both always been unrestricted, but the ever tugging cupidity for our junction ….
Will leave us at the self-evident crossroad