Would your love begin to lessen when a prospective object of affection makes way?
I am genuinely asking because...
WHAT. THE. HECK???!!
When the feeling of missing him began to erode, the small encounters (that appeared meaningless) instantly felt blissful.
The “minuscule” moments mud-slid into days of reminiscing, sighing, and holding onto the next opportunity to cloak him with the love that he formerly had to pry out of me.
I am not in denial of or so out of touch with the reality of changes in our dynamic.
... but selfishly, love to make him smile without a verbal compliment.
In my most emotionally distant times, he let me use his heart to warm up.
His lifestyle was an uphill battle.
He loved to hate it.
But he respected my dedication in reformation from the formerly reckless lifestyle congruent to his own.
He would get so angry if the all-night party in his living room kept me up on a work night.
Even after taking his life back from everyone he so willingly overextended for, he still worries about me deep down
... and occasionally longs for my company at seven in the morning.
however, I am cognizant that he only misses the idea of me.
He knows tequila is always my drink of choice, but throws out unusual bait just to see what is still alluring.
Most of the time, he was disappointing.
Expectations excluded.
Only myself was to blame for overly vocalizing the soft spot he created in my heart.
He preyed on that so hard.
Sometimes we were distantly in love, recent moments we had taken shifts in feeling repulsed, but in person our attraction was toxically irresistible.
We were mood dependent.
Intoxication felt different without His love.
Since first greeting, he was and still is a walking red flag.
....and ultimately, my favorite color.
-t
