This time around I know that it was awaited for me to behave like our last occurrence.
I know that I was expected to make a fool out of myself and wallow in another heartbroken depressive state.
And I am not saying that did not occur.
I am also not saying that it lasted longer than two days.
Love is a drug, and heartbreak is the detox.
Admitting to the group chat that they were right about advising me to protect my heart
.... was my form of an AA meeting.
The recovery is mental, and comparable to mourning.
I treat it that way because that love neither exists in my world any longer nor does that version of me.
So, now I lay us down to rest.
This eulogy is dedicated to the love, friendship, trust, and the trauma I was respectfully sworn to secrecy on.
It is rare that I make promises I cannot keep.
However, when I said ‘I would always have your back,’ that should have included ‘except after you have f*cked me over for the second time.’
You made this bed, I hope you are prepared to lie in it too.
I know this time is “for real” because
the thought of you is no longer something I feel.
I will not cast shade upon your future, your clouds are dark enough.
I guess this time around, I can say that...
you called your own bluff.
-t
